lifestyle

Breaking Up is Hard to Do (but do it anyway to enjoy your life)

May 15, 2018

Almost every blog I subscribe to has written about breakups, but this isn’t your average breakup article. This is about breaking up with all the negatives in your life … from significant others to your least favorite chores. I tried to write this article right after my break up last summer but I didn’t have […]

Almost every blog I subscribe to has written about breakups, but this isn’t your average breakup article. This is about breaking up with all the negatives in your life … from significant others to your least favorite chores. I tried to write this article right after my break up last summer but I didn’t have enough distance to really put my thoughts into helpful words. I am so glad I waited because, over the last 10 months, I have been breaking up with parts of my life that aren’t working, left and right. I think I have the art of the breakup down to a science.

Note: this breakup article doesn’t have any juicy details or hot breakup gossip. Instead, it’s more of a how to enjoy and live the life you want!

Breaking up with…

Your Significant Other: this kind of breaking up may be the hardest. The other breakups have been slow choices that I got to make, but being broken up with or doing the breaking up with a significant other is often quick and painful. Whether you decide to end the relationship or they do, there is a point where you need to appreciate everything you gained from it and then let the rest of it go. I’m not saying that point comes immediately after the breakup, but when you are ready, it’s a helpful part of the process. Holding on to a relationship that wasn’t healthy or that was just boring isn’t going to get you anywhere. I recommend journaling after a breakup. Write down everything … the good, the bad, and the ugly because capturing the emotions on paper allows you to reflect on them and process them later. After a big breakup like this, take a break from boys for a little bit. It’s okay to just hang out with your BFF and hate men for a bit. Go out dancing, eat the tacos, and spend some time with yourself. Then jump back on that horse, and don’t let being afraid of getting hurt again keep you from finding someone great. Ultimately here’s what I’ve got to say on breakups … they suck and they are never fun, but hopefully, through all the breakups and crappy relationships you experience, you learn a little bit more about yourself and the type of partner you are looking for in life.

P.S. if you are currently going through a breakup here are two songs to belt out and help get you through it. One. Two.

Your Job: I have had the best experiences with breaking up with my jobs and a lot of that has to do with being extremely confident in my decisions. I haven’t always known what I have wanted from a job, but I have become extremely clear on what I do not want from a job. I learned very quickly that I wanted to be challenged on a daily basis, that I enjoyed setting my own schedule, and that I wanted to work with people who were supportive and inspiring. You will have your own needs from a job, but once you narrow that list down be sure to evaluate where you are and make sure you are meeting at least 80% of your list. If you aren’t, then it might be time to make a change. When I decided to quit my last job, I had a less than comfortable conversation with my employer about why I was quitting and about my future plans, but after that conversation, it was smooth sailing and I have never regretted my decision. Here are a few things you should always try to do when breaking up with your job:

  • Give at least two weeks notice.
  • Be honest about why you are leaving because that info could make the work environment better for the next person.
  • Make a clean break. Work out your notice doing your best and then move on.

Your Chores: Let me start by explaining how much I despise doing laundry. Because I’m so anti-laundry, I will go weeks without doing it which makes it that much worse when I attempt to take care of the problem. Now, I am not saying you get to break up with all of your chores (wouldn’t that be nice?), but you can remove a select few from your plate. I recently hired someone to come in and do a deep clean of my apartment. I don’t do this often, but when I am feeling super overwhelmed and don’t know where to start, I find that having a little help is the best way to go. With a deeply cleaned apartment, I wrote out all the chores I have to to do to keep my house clean and how often I needed to do them. Then I rated them by “most hated” to the “meh it’s not so bad.” My roommate and I divided the chores and I gave myself a small budget for things like sending my bedding to the dry cleaners, getting cleaning supplies that will make these jobs easier, and saving a little every week to hire someone for a deep clean every few months. It may feel extravagant or a little extra to take some of these chores off your list, but consider these luxuries in lieu of a morning coffee or a new dress and then think about what your time is actually worth. If your hourly rate is more than what you would pay someone to do the same job, then I highly recommend outsourcing your least favorite chores.

Your Sh*tty Habits: I’ve discovered that the easiest way to break up with a bad habit is to replace it with a better one. For example, I replaced my Sunny D and lemonade addiction with sparkling water and I replaced my morning Netflix episode with a TED Talk or podcast. Instead of punishing yourself for sh*tty habits, reward yourself with a new, uplifting habit. It is so easy to beat ourselves up about what we are doing wrong and to tell ourselves we will stop hitting snooze or stop drinking soda. Instead, though we just get caught in a negative feedback loop. The next time you decide to break up with a bad habit, be kind to yourself and think about a better solution this time around.

I would love to hear about some of your breakups in the comments! Have you recently broken up with a bad habit? What was it?

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  1. Nigel says:

    Thanks for the reminder to journal. I’m several months out from my separation from my ex fiancé last fall – had 6 good years and I’m not sure what exactly happened with the 7th. I have my suspicions. But – as far as music goes, I’d highly recommend listening to Beck’s album “Colors” front to back. It’s one of those rare albums that can be played through and through on repeat and it had me dancing the entire first week of the separation.

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I'm Bailey, your new social media bestie.

Instead of doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing, I got intentional. I started asking “what if” all the time and I stopped putting so much pressure on myself to do things at the perfect time or the right way. Instead I took a little leap here and another there to create a life I love. 

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